It's all about PERSPECTIVE

I'm not sure about anyone else, but school mornings are always crazy.  There are definately varying degrees of craziness, but no matter how I plan ahead, set things out, get up earlier.....they're still just crazy!  This morning was no exception.

I was quite proud of myself that I actually got to bed at a decent time last night, giving up my little bit of down time after the kids went to bed.  I got up before everyone else, showered, and got ready for the day.  I knew it was going to be a busier than normal workday for me as I had Trev with a dentist appt, a dog that needs food, and Linds needing to get a math paper done because she informed us at 10:00 last night that she had failed to get it done all weekend.  I got the kids going on their usual morning routine, opted for an easy PopTart breakfast, made a cup of coffee, and grabbed Lindsey's paper so I could sit down with her to get it done.  I'm pretty sure we had close to an hour, or at least a good 45 min when we started going over it together..........

She, of course, has no idea how to do it and is getting frustrated right away.  I, not being a math person and having SERIOUS issues with the ass backwards way they teach kids a simple math problem, am also getting frustrated. How is it, that the "forgotten" homework that is needing to be done quickly when Brian isn't here is ALWAYS math??!!!  I grab her textbook and start looking up how they're expecting her to go about getting the answer and slowly.... S L O W L Y, begin to grasp what was expected.  By this time it's 15 min before the bus comes, Sam is frustrated because she can't find something she needs, and as I begin to go through her book to see if it's tucked in between a page, she reaches across the table to point something out and..........her finger catches the edge of my full coffee cup and there it goes.  Everywhere.  Across the textbook, over the homework paper, pouring onto my lap and making a nice sized pool on the floor. 

The look of horror on Sam's face as she probably mentally prepared herself for me to let loose on her was almost sad.  That mixed with the sounds of Lindsey literally screaming and wailing in the background as she had ran into the other room.  I'm pretty sure you couldn't have a gotten a different reaction from her if you'd actually chopped off her arm.  Overreacting would be an understatement.  Poor Sam kept saying, "Mom I'm so sorry", as I walked the dripping textbook over to the sink, my leg soaked in coffee.  I'm yelling to Linds to stop screaming as I begin to write a note to her teacher explaining what happened and how I will need to know how much to make a check out for when paying for a new book.  All this time the dog is lapping up coffee standing right in the middle of the puddle tracking it even further while Trevor stands by giggling cause he thinks it's funny.  Chaos doesn't begin to describe the scene.

The interesting thing about the entire scenario.....  I didn't flip out on Sam.  I didn't turn into the horrible monster that I normally would have in the midst of that type of situation.  The only yelling that occurred was to Lindsey, and she wouldn't have been able to hear me above her screaming had I not yelled.  I haven't suddenly aquired amazing self control, and I'm definately not a super mom who takes it all in stride.  That need to blow up wasn't there, it simply was not there.  It is amazing to me how other people's life altering events can also change the way you look at your own life and problems.  On Saturday a sweet, vibrant, and healthy 31 year old mother of 3 died unexpectedly.  She wasn't sick.  She wasn't in an accident.  Her family had no warning that this might be coming.  She simply passed on.  I suppose there will probably be autopsies, and medical reasons will be found for her passing, however the outcome is still the same, and in an instant all of their lives have been altered.  No second opinions, you can't fight for a different ending.

All day yesterday I kept looking at my children and my husband.... looking around my house, wondering how it would be for them if I suddenly passed away.  I would hope that they'd be able to remember the times when I was a wonderful mother and wife and friend.  Maybe even times like this morning when I simply gave my daughter a big hug and said, "hey, it's no big deal, we can buy another one" and sent them off to school. (Yes, amazingly, they did make the bus!)  And I also hope that they would not remember all of the times, because they are many, that I have reacted to the stress and selfishly made everyone around me suffer because of it. 

In the grand scheme of things, it's all just stuff and schedules.  Things can be replaced and our busy schedule will still be there tomorrow and the next day.  However the moment we have right this very second, will pass and no one knows if you will have another opportunity to "try again".  Make every second count, because after all...... it's all about perspective.

"You do not know about tomorrow. What is your life? It is like fog. You see it and soon it is gone." - James 4:14 (New Life Version)

Our New Normal

So today starts what I'm calling our family's new normal.  It seems we keep finding and adjusting that normal over the years because after all, life is ever changing, but this new normal feels so wonderful!!!  It's my first day going back to part-time, and after spending the past 11 months desperately trying everything we could imagine to make night shift work for us, it is a GINORMOUS weight off of all of us knowing that most of that struggling is over.  I now have 2 1/2 weeks to pull this house back into shape before the kids get out of school which I am actually excited about doing!  I am excited that I get to spend more time at home being maybe just a little bit of the person I used to be and still enjoy time working as well.  And I am super excited that I don't have to sleep during the day anymore!!! I am really looking forward to spending more time with my kids over the summer.....that time with them, as stressful as it is alot of times, I will never get a do-over on, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be with them more, and try to be a better Mom.  :)

To everyone who has been there for me over the past year in spite of my sleep deprived, not so happy self, or my lack of availability........thank you.  I hope to get more time with each of you now, and your support to myself and our family means more than you'll ever know.  Love you all!!

Roadkill

So this morning as I was getting the kids ready for school, I let the dog out as usual, and as usual, he started barking at something.  He is ALWAYS barking at something! Anyway, after attempting to ignore him for awhile, I decided to bring him in, but first looked out to see what he was barking at this time. To my surprise there was a dead opossum in the middle of the road.  I decided that rather than wait to see if another neighbor would pick it up, I'd get my shovel and scoop him up before he was flattened.  Plus it would give my kids the opportunity to see one up close.....dead, but still up close which is probably something they wouldn't have alot of chances to do.  They weren't quite as intrigued by the type of animal it was as they were the fact that he had blood coming out of his mouth, but it was a learning experience nonetheless.

I successfully discarded the animal in the field, got my kids off to school and then came back inside to enjoy the rest of my coffee before I started my day.  The whole concept of "roadkill" got me thinking......  It's been kind of a rough month or so for me.  Alot of heavy things weighing on my mind.  Big decisions we had to plow through.  A friendship that unfortunately had reached the end of the road.  Mistakes that I've made and tried to correct.  Really the list could go on....just a heavy month.  In the course of life you pretty much go about it the best that you can.  Trying to keep up with the craziness and still have a positive attitude.  Managing relationships with as much integrity as possible.  Mending the broken fences that our words cause from time to time.  And still, you can just be going along minding your own business and WHAM!! You're roadkill.  Thankfully roadkill in this metaphor doesn't mean you died, but at times it feels like it.  The things life can throw at us can feel like there will be no coming back from it.  When you have tried your best to rectify situations only to find they're worse.  Or an unexpected illness comes into the picture.  Job loss.  Marraige problems.  False accusations.  Etc, etc.... the point I'm trying to get at is that life is not predictable.  It is anything but, however it's unpredictability is what makes us flexible, and our reaction to the unpredictability is what makes us strong.  I'm sure that poor possum had no idea when he went out for a stroll last night that he was going to be hit with.....well, whatever he was hit with.  Life is a little the same way; unpredictable and at times, very unexpected.

May God give us the grace we need when faced with those "roadkill" moments in life, to get back up, dust ourselves off, and allow the experience to make us stronger and more flexible than before we tried to cross that road.

Seasons

Years ago I had a friend tell me that the law of a season for everything also applied to friendships, and as hard as it's been through the years and friendships since, I have never forgotten that.  I distinctly remember her saying that sometimes you can have a friendship that is absolutely perfect for you in that moment, but as time passes and people change, the relationship isn't neccessarily going to continue to be everything that it was.  The season has passed.  It doesn't mean that the friendship never should have been, or that it wasn't truly meaningful at one time, it simply means that it is no longer meant to be and you need to stop trying to force it or expect it to continue to be the same.  There are frienships which gradually grow apart, without hard feelings, or one party feeling wronged.  It's just the natural progression of life.  Some friendships are able to withstand change and continue in a more long distance, casual state.  Some are the ones where you don't speak for months, but can pick up at any moment as if there were not passage of time.  Yet there are those in which you must find it within yourself to walk away and know that it has simply reached the end.  No hard feelings, no regrets, it's just over.  And it's ok.

I've gone through many of these changes in friendships over the years.  I have several who will always (no matter how little I see or talk to them) hold a special place in my heart.  I know that at any time, I can pick up where we left off.   And then I have those who have become casual friends, ones with whom it is completely acceptable to catch up in a quick chat at a kids game, or on fb and love every second.  And then there are those few that I have had good times with, but as life changes us, I come to a point where I have to admit that it is not a healthy or functional friendship and I must let go.  Sometimes it takes me awhile before I can admit that, but with the admitting comes a sense of relief, because I don't have to force myself into a mold that I don't fit into anymore.  The other side doesn't always understand, but it's ok.  I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I'm just trying to be true to who I've become, and recognizing when and if those seasons change.

Don't be afraid to befriend people regardless of how long it lasts.  Know that you are there with that person, in that very moment of time for a reason, so give everything you can.  You never know if that person will be the one who will stand by for the long haul.  But if they are not, you can rest in the knowledge that you had a wonderful friendship with them for that season of your life. 

Amazingly enough, I did grow gradually apart from the friend who introduced this amazing truth to me, and in recent years reconnected with her on fb.  You see, sometimes those people come back and you can enjoy that friendship again, and once again......the seasons change.......