Sadly, you know your day is going nowhere when the kids are driving you so crazy that you decide taking them to Target is actually a better option than just staying home. And, like most of my last minute "I want to hurt you, so instead let's all get in the car and go spend money" shopping trips, this one was your typical train wreck.
I prefaced the trip by informing the kids that this time we are going mostly for ME, and that the only thing I was going to get for them was a few pair of flipflops and some shorts. Don't even bother asking for more, or complain to me, because it's not going to work.....I need summer clothes for MYSELF.....we will be looking in MY section, etc, etc. (Not sure who I was trying to convince more, them or me, because I'm pretty sure they had tuned me out.)
We arrive at the store and walk in looking like a typical mom and kids. I grab a cart and get a wipe for the handle only to find that in that moment, I had already lost two to the "bargain section" (That damn junk aisle gets 'em every time!) I managed to round up the troops fairly quickly with no issues and the only thing that was forced on my head today was a butterfly net. (Probabaly no lice in there, so I guess I'm good.)
I stop in at the womens swimsuit area just to browse a little bit, (even though I already know my body won't look good in any of it!) and almost immediately get the "ewwws", pointing, and giggles of Trevor. (At what point do boobs become not funny anymore??? Seriously.) I decide it's not worth it and head to shoes because maybe actually picking something out for them to start with will help me in the long run.....(who am I kidding??)
The girls' "shopping switches" have officially been turned on now, and I instantly remember why I hate doing this with three kids.......Lindsey is in a grabbing frenzy showing me one cute pair "that she MUST have even if it means using her own money" after another. Sam is quite a bit more in control and sensible, but seems to have forgotten that we are only looking for flipflops and has made a beeline to the section of Converse sneakers that I have no intention of buying today. As the commotion continues, Trevor has hauled himself into the basket of the cart to endure another shopping trip and I'm starting to feel a headache coming on. (We have only been here 10 mins.)
By the time we make our flipflop selections and are able to head back over to shop for myself, I have pretty much lost any and all desire to even be here. I try to make my selections for the dressing room as quickly as possible while ignoring the "She pushed me!" and "No I didn't!" in the background. The girls have also chosen things to try on even after I told them repeatedly that no matter how small it looks, it's still too big. I tell them they can try them on but I'm not buying any of it. We make our way back to the dressing rooms...Trevor is now laying in the cart in a fetal position. I get him out, bring him in with me, and tell him to face the wall. After I am sufficiently clothed he turns around and starts in with the comments....."wow, your belly button is big!", "it must take a long time for it to get THAT big." I ignore him and tell him to face the wall again. (That's called fat guy.....that's what happens when I have had three of you.) Of course my choices just reinforce how BIG my bellybutton is and I get dressed again and give it all back. On to the next section..........
We head to kids clothing. This is the part of the trip where the girls are "in the zone". They have been set loose to look for themselves and I only see them for brief moments when they run back to show me what they've found. I pick out what Trevor needs, enjoying how easy it is to shop for a boy, and then we both go find the girls. Amazingly enough they have actually picked the shorts I needed them to, however both are picking out extra items that weren't on the list. Again, I have my oldest more reasonable that's fairly easy to reign in, and then I have my free spirit who is flitting through the dept, dancing and posing in a 4th of July springy headband. She keeps skipping up to me asking for this and that. One item in particular she has become fixated on and after about the fifth no, devil mom comes out and barks, "I SAID NO!" Glancing to the right I notice another mom and daughter looking at me......(whatever, like she hasn't done that before!) However, I move on before she has a chance to call the police.......trust me, I've taken those calls.
I am now effectively slipping into a type of coma that turns me into a mom zombie. My head is throbbing and I feel dizzy. I am just going through the motions trying to wrap up the last few things that I need. The kids voices asking for things and arguing with each other are now just white noise in the background. I hear none of what they are saying. I am sure I look miserable but I don't even care. (Thank God my kids know how to call 911 if I pass out.) I am silently calculating the pile I have in my cart. **SIGH** This is so much more than I planned on getting and almost none of what I came for. This is so going to ruin my husband's night when he sees this month's credit card bill.
We make our way to the check out. Somehow I manage to complete my transaction without even one person asking for something at the register....possibly because they know we already have plans to go for yogurt afterwards. And so concludes another trip to Target. And as painful as it is I will forget and will do it again...... someday............ ;)
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