I'm not sure about anyone else, but school mornings are always crazy. There are definately varying degrees of craziness, but no matter how I plan ahead, set things out, get up earlier.....they're still just crazy! This morning was no exception.
I was quite proud of myself that I actually got to bed at a decent time last night, giving up my little bit of down time after the kids went to bed. I got up before everyone else, showered, and got ready for the day. I knew it was going to be a busier than normal workday for me as I had Trev with a dentist appt, a dog that needs food, and Linds needing to get a math paper done because she informed us at 10:00 last night that she had failed to get it done all weekend. I got the kids going on their usual morning routine, opted for an easy PopTart breakfast, made a cup of coffee, and grabbed Lindsey's paper so I could sit down with her to get it done. I'm pretty sure we had close to an hour, or at least a good 45 min when we started going over it together..........
She, of course, has no idea how to do it and is getting frustrated right away. I, not being a math person and having SERIOUS issues with the ass backwards way they teach kids a simple math problem, am also getting frustrated. How is it, that the "forgotten" homework that is needing to be done quickly when Brian isn't here is ALWAYS math??!!! I grab her textbook and start looking up how they're expecting her to go about getting the answer and slowly.... S L O W L Y, begin to grasp what was expected. By this time it's 15 min before the bus comes, Sam is frustrated because she can't find something she needs, and as I begin to go through her book to see if it's tucked in between a page, she reaches across the table to point something out and..........her finger catches the edge of my full coffee cup and there it goes. Everywhere. Across the textbook, over the homework paper, pouring onto my lap and making a nice sized pool on the floor.
The look of horror on Sam's face as she probably mentally prepared herself for me to let loose on her was almost sad. That mixed with the sounds of Lindsey literally screaming and wailing in the background as she had ran into the other room. I'm pretty sure you couldn't have a gotten a different reaction from her if you'd actually chopped off her arm. Overreacting would be an understatement. Poor Sam kept saying, "Mom I'm so sorry", as I walked the dripping textbook over to the sink, my leg soaked in coffee. I'm yelling to Linds to stop screaming as I begin to write a note to her teacher explaining what happened and how I will need to know how much to make a check out for when paying for a new book. All this time the dog is lapping up coffee standing right in the middle of the puddle tracking it even further while Trevor stands by giggling cause he thinks it's funny. Chaos doesn't begin to describe the scene.
The interesting thing about the entire scenario..... I didn't flip out on Sam. I didn't turn into the horrible monster that I normally would have in the midst of that type of situation. The only yelling that occurred was to Lindsey, and she wouldn't have been able to hear me above her screaming had I not yelled. I haven't suddenly aquired amazing self control, and I'm definately not a super mom who takes it all in stride. That need to blow up wasn't there, it simply was not there. It is amazing to me how other people's life altering events can also change the way you look at your own life and problems. On Saturday a sweet, vibrant, and healthy 31 year old mother of 3 died unexpectedly. She wasn't sick. She wasn't in an accident. Her family had no warning that this might be coming. She simply passed on. I suppose there will probably be autopsies, and medical reasons will be found for her passing, however the outcome is still the same, and in an instant all of their lives have been altered. No second opinions, you can't fight for a different ending.
All day yesterday I kept looking at my children and my husband.... looking around my house, wondering how it would be for them if I suddenly passed away. I would hope that they'd be able to remember the times when I was a wonderful mother and wife and friend. Maybe even times like this morning when I simply gave my daughter a big hug and said, "hey, it's no big deal, we can buy another one" and sent them off to school. (Yes, amazingly, they did make the bus!) And I also hope that they would not remember all of the times, because they are many, that I have reacted to the stress and selfishly made everyone around me suffer because of it.
In the grand scheme of things, it's all just stuff and schedules. Things can be replaced and our busy schedule will still be there tomorrow and the next day. However the moment we have right this very second, will pass and no one knows if you will have another opportunity to "try again". Make every second count, because after all...... it's all about perspective.
"You do not know about tomorrow. What is your life? It is like fog. You see it and soon it is gone." - James 4:14 (New Life Version)
